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DJ Shuffle: The Fuck is This?

[Since resuming programming, DJ Shuffle has been playing Christmas and winter music, from traditional to songs that he first heard listening to the Doctor Demento show back in New York. Once he's gathered his information and his thoughts, though, he cracks the mic and begins to talk, much more calmly than usual. If there was ever a chance to recognize his voice, this is it, as he sounds sedate and serious.]

So. I'm gonna assume that if you're listening to me, you've got power. Or a battery-powered radio tuned to me, and what does that say about your priorities? But if you're stranded out there and you hear this, call the studio line, I'll get help sent out to you.

See, I could be my usual flaming asshole and shit on everyone for not knowing this was coming and we weren't prepared and all that rot. But you know what? There's bigger fish to fry. We've learned a lesson from all this: the Deck's weather isn't as stable as we'd like to believe. Snowstorms in October are possible. An early spring heatwave might be possible. Town could end up flooded by massive rainfall. And we're not ready for that.

We paid for our unpreparedness in lives, ladies and gentlemen. While everyone at the castles was fine, there are reports of roofs caving in in Town, crushing people in their houses. And even those who made it out okay had dehyrdation and frostbite issues. I'm so not blaming anyone, not this time. What I want to ask the Deck is this: what can we do to prepare for next time? How can we create an effective disaster preparedness team? Can we effectively get a roster of every member of every Suit and account for them? Can we create centralized safe locations for disasters--schools, perhaps?

I know, this is probably something the High Cards are going to want to talk about. But here I am, and I'm not one. I want to know, what can we all as individuals do, next time the Deck goes weird on us all? Open forum for discussion, for everyone, rather than my usual schpiel.

Phone lines are open.

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"You know, when disaster strikes people show their true colours and yours, Sir, are quite impressive."

This call came from someone involved in current events, someone who often listened to DJ Shuffle's shows but, until now, had not phoned in. The main reason for this is that radio transmissions are scratchy at the best of times and Margo cannot see lip movement to assist her listening. She holds her cellphone against her good ear, turning the volume up a little.

"Now, when compared with towns of a similar standing on the Outside, I agree the Deck is lacking in support structures for the most vulnerable members of society. When any kind of turmoil occurs, it is the poor, the elderly and the disabled who suffer most. This kind of Social Darwinism is going to have to be flipped on its head."

He's going to very loudly ignore comments about his true colors, glad no one's in his studio to see the blushing that he's doing right now.

"Well, we don't so much have poor. Everyone's a member of a Suit, and every Suit is taken care of adequately, down to the lowest servants. But the elderly and disabled--how can we help them?"

Margo won't embarrass him any further. She is just glad to hear that the DJ has some substance. His question came through fairly clearly so she gives it a moment's thought before answering.

"This is a place where the extent of one's welfare is determined through challenges. Those who are at a mental or physical disadvantage sometimes do not have access to the facilities provided at the castles. They may find themselves living in isolated locales such as the houses that had caved in. Perhaps more facilities could be made available at the center of Town?"

"That's why I thought of the schools--the gyms could fit lots of people, and there's space to store water, blankets, canned foods. But it would take people moving on it officially. Paper trails and so on."

Her point about the mental and physical disadvantages is actually a good one to address. He scrawls it down for a later date.

"Yeah schools and gyms are good sites for makeshift facilities. It may just be an idea to have more permanent structures in place. Like a fully staffed medical center. If everything is centralised, teams can reach people from virtually any Suit with relative ease."

Most of Margo's observations mirrored those of the smart people under whom she had worked over the years.

Edited 2012-10-08 19:06 (UTC)

"So, a proper Town-based emergency response center that isn't run by any one Suit?" He thinks about that for a moment. "Or did you mean for each Suit to have one?"

Hey DJ Shuffle.

You know what? I lost my gloves, and my hands were freezing. And our acquisitions officer didn't have any on hand. She's gonna take it into account to order extras in case something like this happens again.

But we tried to help by gathering people up into warmed rooms with fireplaces and handing out blankets and stuff. I'm just wondering what other supplies would be good to have on hand, like canned stuff and bottled water.

While it's entirely possible that there were multiple reports (gossip travels faster than news) of multiple houses caving in...it was actually only one house that hadn't been kept up and wasn't prepared for the weight of all the wet snow it got.

Lights of some sort? Flashlights with spare batteries, candles and matches. Where I got stuck, we ended up doing stuff by cell phone light for a while. Spare first aid kits. Personally, I'm betting on a heatwave coming next, but I'm talking out my ass there.

Heh. Yeah, that stuff would make sense. We live in castles, dude, we should have candles and matches beyond counting. At least, if this was tabletop, that would be the case.

My cellphone died shortly after we lost power. Maybe some kind of generator to power up emergency technology like cellphones or short wave radios?

Oh hey, I also totally invented sleeping bag pants to stay warm. I'd be perfectly willing to pass off my designs to someone who could produce them in quantity in case this happens again. And sleeping bags are one size fits all, so except for little kids, they'd fit anyone. [a bit distractedly, and mostly to himself] Maybe... pockets like kangaroos, on the inside... to put stuff in.

Hello, this is the Head of the Domestic Staff of Hearts. [She begins crisply.] My position means I am charge of what the caller prior spoke about.

The Hearts Department had all emergency supplies it needed to cover the crisis for both the Castle and the Refugees that came flooding in. All the supplies you suggested are in stock and I've recently sent another invoice out with acquisition staff to get two months worth of supplies we have used. We also had enough food stock and water stock and I am sure my counter part of the Kitchen Department can confirm we are also getting enough supplies to replace what we lost with the refugees we started to accept before the power came on.

I would suggest this as the first step in preparedness with my counter parts in the other Suits, and encourage emergency supplies at home. I also think we should speak about a Deck-wide drive handing out these supplies to families who might not be able to afford to stock.

[A pause.]

We also had emergency blankets as the caller noted, but I'm we never thought creatively about the gloves.

Well, here's the question--and this is for the Deck as a whole, not just you. Do we have the resources to make that sort of generator a thing? If so, can we put emergency generators in the Castles? On the medical centers?

Thank you for calling, Miz Head of the Domestic Staff of Hearts. Is there a shorter version of that? I mean, your counterparts in the other Suits may need to get ahold of you to coordinate shit.

Anyway. I wasn't at the Castle, I didn't get to see what you had going, but it sounds like it was a pretty good deal. Gold star, miss. Help everyone else get up to speed, and we'll all be okay, huh?

If we can't make them, can't we just get them from 'Outside'? Buy them outright? There's plenty of rich people here, we could hold some kind of... like gala or something? And take donations to purchase generators for each castle.

Which will help whenever we lose power, not just when it's cold.

Ms. Adare. [How strange to say that, and how smoothly it sounds. Like she always has said it.] Though I've always thought my accent was a better calling card. [Manhattan, Mr. DJ. She's noticed the hint of yours.]

I apologize you were stuck in that. That's the one thing we Hearts did not do well on that front and sadly out of my department's hands. However it doesn't mean I cannot speak to my fellows about this nor does it mean we can't learn from our friends in other Suits. I think we'll have to have a meeting, as you suggested, between the Faces and Heads of Staff as soon as possible.

Thank you.

I like that idea. I'm sure there's someone listening who'll take your idea and make it a reality, if anyone's got any common sense. Hell, that's the sort of dance I'd even buy a ticket to.

[Oh, he was trying to avoid the subject of accents. Shh, can't you pretend he's Deck-ese?]

Is there anything people can do to make the burden easier on you and your fellows? A place where last year's unfashionable mittens and sweaters could be collected?

Dude, the deck LOVES parties. Make them dress up, or wear masques, and they'll all come dressed to the nines and fork over whatever. You could even do like... auctions or something. We got tons of talent, couldn't they donate stuff to be bought and donate the proceeds to get the generators while they are at it?

[snort-laugh-snicker]

DJ shuffle goes to dances? I'd go. I don't think anyone liked freezing to death for a few days, without power. And if we make it fun or exciting, then people will want to go regardless.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say, thanks for picking up. Keep up the show, the Straight to Hells think you're awesome.

Straight to Hells? What, are you some sort of biker gang?

"Just one neutral center-- a place that can admit anyone. It may cut through all the red tape of working out who falls under which Suit," she answered, a shrug apparent in her tone. "Or I could just be oversimplifying the whole matter."

"Well, out in Town, rank matters less. It's quite possible to see a Four of Clubs working under a Three of Diamonds in a shop. But that might complicate where funding for the place comes from. I honestly have no clue." There's a bit of a laugh. "Yeah, listeners, you heard it here first. Sometimes I have no clue what I'm talking about, and I throw out ideas without really thinking."

"Fund raising, yet another issue worth investigating. Maybe I can spur the Trump into action," she mused. Margo worked for the newspaper but sometimes she spoke as though she were editor-in-chief. "Take comfort, you're not the only one who needs a brain-mouth filter."

"Maybe see if your bosses will donate a percentage of profits from every Special Storm Edition sold? Assuming there is such an edition, of course." He 'hm's softly as he thinks.

.... no? We're a tabletop roleplaying group.

Do you seriously not know who we are? Man, I swore we were infamous.

Sorry. I guess I don't have time to sit around and play games very often.

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