Neither of them had the other's perspective, really. Jordan had never measured himself against Hadyn; he'd measured himself against his memories of his father, against Uncle Davin, even against their mother, in a way. At this point only one of them was a tangible force to measure himself against, and things with Uncle Davin continued to be distant after what had happened.

He'd grown up knowing what he was meant to be, but he wasn't meant to be that anymore, and it left him adrift. It twisted his smile into something rueful and a little bitter at the corners, because there was a part of him that knew that switching back to the Spades might be the right thing, but it also might just be avoiding the inevitable truth that he didn't have much of a place in life.

He wasn't sure yet. "I think that's yet to be proven," he said, dryly. "We'll see how January goes."