To be fair, Tobi also probably wasn't an authority on the matter. She just had vague notions that maybe the 'traditional' old family ways of raising and training a child were maybe why they all ended up completely bonkers in adulthood.

"I believe I was supposed to be mingling with other Spade children who got dragged along by their parents while the adults stood off to the side, drinking champagne and planning our lives. Sir. Of course, I might have missed the point." And of course she could make lifelong friends after nineteen, and make better ones, at that. She was hardly sure who she was now, how could she possibly know who she was going to be in four years? Seemed a moot point to plan for the life of this person, when this person might not be around then.