[OTA] One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

[karatofquality]

Within the last several weeks, a lot had happened. People who were careful to keep their King in the loop were reporting the return of the last King of Spades, and monitoring his activities so that the Diamond Face Cards could be prepared for further upset.

Silas was less concerned with that than with the failings within his own Suit. He'd started to notice the strain between Säde and Avery even more, recently, and things weren't too much better between her and Cadogan. It was absolutely unacceptable.

But before he could talk to his Queen about it, he needed full information from his Ace and his Jack. There was enough unrest already as a direct result of Säde's uncontrolled actions, for which she had not yet truly answered.

All in due time.

He needed to talk to others, first.

Comments

[diemwnt]

Right. So this is the part he was dreading. The stillness in his features is more profound than the stillness of his hands.

What's the right way to answer that?

/In what regard?/

Evasion? Perhaps.

[karatofquality]

He gave his friend a serious look, acknowledging the weight of the subject but refusing to back down from it. "You know what I'm asking you, Cadogan," he said quietly.

/She protested your promotion, Cadogan. It's no secret to me that she hasn't taken kindly to you. How severe has it been? Do not play games with me. Do not try to elude, evade, or otherwise sidestep the question. I want the truth, full stop. Do I make myself absolutely clear?/

He was quickly growing tired, and needed to be done with this troubling ordeal.

[diemwnt]

/Sir./

It's an instinctive response, mostly trained out of his system at this point with Silas but clearly not entirely gone. The files still on his knee are pulled closer in his lap so he can shift forward slightly.

/There hasn't been much of a marked change from when I was Ten. If she's been more attentive to my performance, I expect it's only due to the farther reach of my responsibilities./

Then again, he suspects it makes more sense for people to treat him harshly than with respect, affection.

/We've never gotten along. I expect we never will./

[karatofquality]

It was genuine physical pain when he was addressed as 'sir,' and only the tightest of control kept him from showing just how much that response hurt. But no, he needed to be King right now, and that meant not being personal with his Numbers.

/There's a difference between not getting along, and outright undermining. Details, Lance Corporal Thomas, are not negotiable. I am not asking for them, and I am not giving you another option./

It was harsh, cruel even, perhaps, to refer back to those days long past, after he'd promised that they would never again be mentioned, but he didn't care, in that moment. He couldn't.

[diemwnt]

The shift is visible. It isn't like being slapped, and it isn't into anything like revulsion or horror. It's not that big. But it's visible.

The tenets of this being 'home' involved his past being invisible beyond the idea of Wales. The promise had been made by this man in particular. The crack in their trust is sharp.

/Were the Queen actively undermining my work, sir, you and our Lady Ace would have been informed immediately. The level of insult has not change. The implications of the inferiority of my work remain consistent with her appraisal during my time as Nine and Ten. She has hardly made secret that she finds me needing to improve in my work, but she never has./

There's frustration in his hands. There's certainly a blankness in his features that reckons back to a certain night in Cardiff he's not sure won't suddenly be brought up.

/I have no idea what you want me to tell you, sir. These are the facts as I know them./

[karatofquality]

Had there been anything gained from what he just said, Silas could have consoled himself, convinced himself that it was necessary. But the complete change, perhaps invisible to so many others while blindingly apparent to him, cuts him to the core, drains the blood from his already pale face, cracks the mask that he slammed into place before this man entered his office.

There couldn't possibly have been anything he could have done that would have been more of a betrayal, more of a trust shatterer, than calling Cadogan's past to light. Not all of it, or even parts that he isn't proud of, but the fact stands that it's a breach of their terms of friendship, of one of the promises that he made to his Jack so many long years ago, when the man first came to this place.

Drawing a deep breath and letting it go slowly, Silas meets his friend's eyes, knuckles white from how tightly his hands are clasped when he speaks again. "I'm sorry, Cadogan. From the furthest depths of my soul, I apologize. That was out of line. Thank you for your honesty and for shedding light on the matter at hand."

/And, if it helps, you're welcome to hit me as hard and as frequently as you like./

It's mostly a joke, but not entirely. It would certainly be penance for his uncalculated words, if only partially.

[diemwnt]

It's better to hear the words than to have them not said. It's better that the crack is acknowledged than that it be denied or ignored. It doesn't bring any change to the quiet.

Nor does the half-joking offer. There's no denying it would be satisfying. But, in light of the person he's trying not to be, that he meant to leave behind, it's not something to spring toward. The person who hadn't known the Deck would have thrown a punch.

And the Jack of Diamonds isn't that person.

/Is there anything else, sir?/

[karatofquality]

Looking down, Silas shakes his head. He knows exactly what he's done, and can only hope that he hasn't destroyed things too completely. It's probably a vain hope, but he can't help it. There's always the possibility, slim though it may be.

/Not at this time, my friend,/ he signs sadly before rising. /Unless there's something else you require or want of me?

[diemwnt]

There's only half a touch of a pause before he gets to his feet as well.

/What would I ever ask of you, sir?/

Other than requiring the past to stay in the past. Other than wanting to trust in old promises.

But that's not something he's inclined to ask just now, is it.

[karatofquality]

/Anything at all that you could possibly want, Cadogan. You should know by now that you can come to me with anything./

And, again, his expression was apologetic, pained, frustrated. He knew he'd destroyed something fragile, and he didn't know how to repair it, or even begin to make amends.

[diemwnt]

There has to be a salute. It's sharp and swift, at least, nothing lasting.

It's the way things are going to be now, apparently.

[karatofquality]

He stands firm, silent, and nods when Cadogan salutes. This is how it will be for now. If he's very, very lucky, things will return to normal eventually.