[ota] let me count the ways....

[wouldbetrump]

Clive wasn't convinced anything was going right lately. He'd made his stop at the Fox wedding, given the bride and the...groom his well wishes as it were. But he had something he needed to focus on outside of the wedding.

And today he was out in town because it was, he realized, not a good look for a man not to be speaking with his Jack. Which meant apologizes were in order, even if they were not the easiest things to do. No suits today, either, as he walked slowly ahead.

This was not going to be a fun conversation.

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[wouldbetrump]

Clive wasn't sure where this confession was supposed to be going as he listened, hands stuffed in his pockets as he watched Michael and listened.

"Everyone makes mistakes," he said after a moment, the bulb starting to slowly go off as he started putting it all together. "I....really am sorry, Michael. About everything. I'm just so incredibly in over my head it seems, and while that isn't an excuse- I suppose it is just more stress." He paused again, though, this time stopping on the sidewalk as well.

"But, uh..." He started, and then hesitated. "And please, do not take this the wrong way, but maybe you made a mistake? However, the choices Julien had made are his own. He chose to take his experiences and become the man he is, and continues to...act on impulse. That is not...your mistake."

[old_dog]

Michael's smile widened and he shook his head and shrugged. What was the use in apologising? This is how it is.

Anyway the damage had been done. Julien's mother was dead now. Why he'd been given up didn't really matter in light of the man he's become.

"He wasn't given a choice." Michael had a choice. He could have faced his demons and come back for the hour he needed to take millions with him back Outside, then marry a woman he thought he loved, adopt Julien back and it would have all worked out. They might not have been happy, but it could have worked.

"Traumatic experiences don't give us options for how we turn out. You think you're giving him a choice now, but he's not going to change because we want him to. He will only change because he wants Ace."

[wouldbetrump]

"Surely there is more to a mind than traumatic experiences or loving homes." He said, almost hoping there was more to it. If there wasn't, he'd be left to consider the countless difficulties his family had endured and forced to write them all off as loons. He rather liked some of them too much for that, like Jordan.

"He cannot be Ace," Clive said after a moment, shaking his head firmly. "All the good a man does, can be undone with one mistake. But if we hold the lowest cards accountable, the same must be expected of the higher numbers. Even the faces. I wouldn't expect less, even if I were the one to commit the act."

[old_dog]

"I wouldn't know." He knows he's been forever changed, forever marred by his experiences. Maybe it is not so for everyone, but he isn't optimistic. He's stared madness in the eyes and danced with her across linoleum and marble floors. All he knows is that in everyone's minds there is a little bit of chaos. Some of them just had it more under control than others.

"I doubt he could become an ideal choice for Ace until he stops obsessing over it." As contradictory as that might have sounded. But if he tried anything to become appointed the Ace of Spades once more, he would just revert back to old patterns as soon as he re-attained his title. And this time around, he might be more bitter and resentful. More dangerous, more unpredictable.

"In the meantime you would do well to find an Ace who doesn't easily fall down half a dozen flights of stairs, isn't prone to accidental defenestration and isn't likely to trip and fall onto a bed of knives."

[wouldbetrump]

"Easier said than done, Michael." Clive said softly, before scrubbing a hand through his hair. "I've considered Ethan, but before I try to convince Katya, I'm hoping to put his....incident at the Clubs behind us." Even if Kevin seemed to be generally 'okay' with it. It didn't mean everyone else was.

"We've already gone through the other options, and he is...the last of my ideas, it feels." Before he really starts dipping into family, and he wanted to avoid that one so terribly much.

[old_dog]

"As much as the young, impressionable Ace of Clubs would benefit from friends who are less adept at killing people, I think it's better for her to spend time with Ethan than Julien." So it was not the best idea for people to visit an Ace in quarantine, but while the implications for an Ace visiting another incarcerated Ace warranted her punishment, it was very heavy-handed for a young lady who just wanted to check in on her friend. They couldn't be faulted for recognising that behind the Ace of Clubs was a girl who's lost too much at too young an age, and shouldn't be made to deal with Suit politics if she only wants to alleviate the burdens in her heart.

"Ace is your decision to make with the Queen. But I will say he is one of David's boys, in a manner of speaking, so... you may have to ask yourself if you can sleep easy at night." An old Spade would have said, if he can't kill David for you, you would be better off appointing a loyal Ace. And indeed he couldn't deny that it was the first thought that came to mind.

"'Trust no one' are words for any Spade to live by. I would hate to see anything happen to you."

[wouldbetrump]

Ethan was David's boy, yes...but he had also been a friend to Clive for many years. Foolish or not, Clive had to trust in something and the bond of friendship was the only thing he had at the moment. "My cousin would probably benefit too, but Hadyn stubbornly remains firm in his stance as Julien's friend." At least Eileen was young enough to be influenced, Clive thought.

"Ethan's been a friend for years, I would like to think I could trust him with my life." Even if Michael was right on the 'Trust no one'. Still, he snorted a little and shook his head. "That particular motto is one I hope to change. Even if there are a particular few I wouldn't trust within an inch of my life."

[old_dog]

"We would all like to think we could trust each other with much less than our lives." But alas. There'd be far fewer Deckborn Spades around today if the Spades who came before them were a more trusting bunch. The only person they could possibly make a case for was Chives, but even then - what he might know counted for very little in the big picture.

"Perhaps it will change one day. But it will not change tomorrow, or next week, or next month, even if you do have a friend you could trust for Ace." It was not Michael's intention to undermine what non-dysfunctional relationships the Spades might have with each other. But it was better they grappled with the truth now than feel the pains of misplaced trust too little too late.

[wouldbetrump]

"No effort, no gain?" Clive asked before he sighed again. He felt as though he side most often these days, even as he worked on trying not to sigh at all. "If I can just start the change, then I will be happy enough, really. And change is good, change is necessary if we are going to keep this whole mess up."