[ota] join jack and the boys; be in a band

[diemwnt]

The world gets small. That's the worst part.

The period of probation is good, really. Being away from work, sitting in the solitude of house arrest, makes the loss of interest in the rest of the world less damaging. Lets him work his way around to a normal sleep schedule again; get through the sharper periods of nightmares and into the dull sort of sleep he lives with generally. Gives him time to work on the shakiness in his hands and the way he jumps at tiny noises, to refocus on what's immediately before him rather than letting his mind skitter everywhere.

But the world gets small. The world stays small even when, with a firm slap on the wrist, he's let back into his office. The future sits on the end of his desk, barely extending to the end of the week.

He barely notices he's gone out to the gardens. Barely realizes he's bummed an actual cigarette off one of the kitchen Threes and settled in for a proper smoke.

Fifteen months was a good run. And the world is so small. And yes, the smoke entering his lungs spikes the pain of each breath at first, but the nicotine hit--real, proper, after all these months--is more than worth it, in a world that surely isn't going to last more than through the rounding of the next few days.

He'll drop the cigarette if approached, of course. He'll even pretend it was on purpose, and not the shock of tension at the sudden sound of another human being.

Comments

[diemwnt]

/It was helping./

Although what exactly it was helping wasn't clear.

[denythyfather]

He hesitates, then sighs. /... if you need it, you need it. But we can help too./

[diemwnt]

There aren't words for this moment. There aren't words because yes, in some ways, Adrien and Sophie and Sitara and Tess and his mother help.

But in some ways they make it worse. In some ways, they feel like they hurt more than cigarettes.

[denythyfather]

Adrien hesitates at the lack of a response, then raises his hands again to make another attempt at getting through to the man. /Let’s go somewhere else? Away from here. Come on./

[diemwnt]

It isn't an automatic thing. It should be an automatic thing.

But it takes a beat. Takes a hesitation and a lifting of his hands to ask /Where?/ before his body starts to move to follow along.