[ota] join jack and the boys; be in a band

[diemwnt]

The world gets small. That's the worst part.

The period of probation is good, really. Being away from work, sitting in the solitude of house arrest, makes the loss of interest in the rest of the world less damaging. Lets him work his way around to a normal sleep schedule again; get through the sharper periods of nightmares and into the dull sort of sleep he lives with generally. Gives him time to work on the shakiness in his hands and the way he jumps at tiny noises, to refocus on what's immediately before him rather than letting his mind skitter everywhere.

But the world gets small. The world stays small even when, with a firm slap on the wrist, he's let back into his office. The future sits on the end of his desk, barely extending to the end of the week.

He barely notices he's gone out to the gardens. Barely realizes he's bummed an actual cigarette off one of the kitchen Threes and settled in for a proper smoke.

Fifteen months was a good run. And the world is so small. And yes, the smoke entering his lungs spikes the pain of each breath at first, but the nicotine hit--real, proper, after all these months--is more than worth it, in a world that surely isn't going to last more than through the rounding of the next few days.

He'll drop the cigarette if approached, of course. He'll even pretend it was on purpose, and not the shock of tension at the sudden sound of another human being.

Comments

[thecutdiamond]

Ah. That she does know, and concede his point.

"It is, and you will need to-- put your feelings aside when serving in your capacity as a Jack. But in the personal moments you do have--" However brief they may be, "--There's no need for you to put up the front."

Not among those who are concerned for his well-being.

[diemwnt]

It helps to hear it from someone else. Someone who understands. Someone who's lived at least part of what he has.

His eyes flick over her features for a moment. His fingers tap listlessly at the phone for a moment.

When are moments personal?

[thecutdiamond]

"After work hours, for one thing." Brief though that gap may be for Faces, "Mostly, though, you have to work to make them personal. Take the time off for yourself that you may need."

Something she should have done better about as Queen. Maybe then there wouldn't have been so much burnout.

[diemwnt]

It's a tall order. She knows it is. There's something a little better about the fact he's certain she knows it.

Takes practice?

[thecutdiamond]

"Oh yes. Quite a bit of that."

But then if it were easy, this wouldn't be an issue.

[diemwnt]

The practice will be difficult. The patience with himself will be short.

But others will be there. Others will tell him it's not impossible. He knows that.

There's still a tiny sigh as he nods.