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[eucre.livejournal.com]

Today is Almost-Summer. Birds are chirping and squirrels are chittering and life is happening, just like everyday. Piper... Piper is sitting and being very quiet and thinking a lot, which isn't something that happens everyday, no, not at all. Today, the sky is fascinating and everlasting and going on forever, much more than on the other days. She's not sad, no, Piper is just... okay. If anyone wants a particularly happy Joker, though, they will have to wait for tomorrow.

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[awearytraveler.livejournal.com]

"Piper?"

What was she doing here in Diamond Castle at this time of the day? She should be having fun or enjoying the warmth the almost summer brings. The Spade herself was being guided by her aunt Xue around the Suit to get her weak legs some exercise since she spent the last three days just in Danielle's bed.

Seeing Piper was a good thing to Andrea and her aunt can see that much. Because Xue gives her a pointed but almost affectionate look and lets go of her arm before she hurries off to disappear. So the two women could have some measure of privacy. Andrea cautiously approaches Piper, adjusting the cast she's wearing on her arm and can't help but touch her face thinking the healed nicks can be seen.

"Piper?" The first time she called out was too soft. This one was hopefully louder. "Piper? Are you okay?"

[eucre.livejournal.com]

She's curled up on some window seat, cheek pressed against the glass as she looks outside, eyes lifted to the bright blue sky. It takes her a few moments to realize that someone has come into the room, someone is approaching her, her name is Piper, or is that a name at all?

"Mother." It's quiet, vague, distanced. The word twists in her mouth oddly, leaves a lingering feeling at the back of her throat. It tastes like long ago, but can a tongue taste time? Her answer is slow in coming, and she still doesn't look at Andrea. "Piper is just okay."

[awearytraveler.livejournal.com]

Maybe she should have left it at that but she doesn't. Instead she tries to push the subject in the right direction without actually asking what is wrong or what happened. Those questions can come later.

"Piper should be happy, don't you think? You deserve to be happy." She continues to stand from a distance, not wanting to irritate Piper if she enters her personal space. She didn't think it was possible to do that but she didn't think this was possible too. "Do you need anything? I-I can have my aunt fetch you a glass of water or..."

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"Piper is not not happy, silly." She shrugs her shoulders, letting out a breath. Without turning away from the window, she asks, "Never is it ever like this. The sky, she means. The Joker means? No, Piper isn't a Joker for today. Can the Joker take breaks? Just for one day? She wonders, she really does." There's a slight pause, and Piper finally pulls away from the window, looking down at her lap. "I wonder?"

[awearytraveler.livejournal.com]

"Of course Jokers can take breaks. Everyone deserves a break now and then." Because if they don't get breaks, cracks start to appear. Little and small. Insignificant at first. Until they start to build up and up until they break the person to a million little pieces. A small flinch at the mental image. She doesn't want to see that happen to Piper. No. "What are you wondering exactly, dear?"

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"But does everyone think like Mother thinks? Because of course Mother wants Piper to be her best and do whatever she wants but the world isn't Mother. Though Mother is the world to some people." Piper traces along the edge of the windowsill thoughtfully. "Piper wonders, the Joker wonders, I wonder... Where did she go? The Girl With The Pipes? One day, perhaps, mayhaps, only the Joker will remain."

[awearytraveler.livejournal.com]

That sort of talk leaves Andrea speechless for a second and her shoulders slump for a second as she struggles to find something meaningful and right to say to her child. "You have others who care for you too, sweetie. Like Oliver." In his own way but he did show concern when she and him spoke about Piper. "The Joker and you are the same. You... Both of you are different, yes, but you two also reside as one. Does that make sense?"

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"People care for Piper - but what is wrong can be right in topsy-turvy-heads. Doesn't Mother understand? There is what Piper wants to do and what Piper is allowed to do and what others want Piper to do and what Piper is meant to do, and no one can know the last besides herself." She continues tracing the window, a small smile coming onto her face. "And how can Mother know who Piper is? Piper and the Joker and the Girl with the Pipes from long ago. All different and not the same mix."

[awearytraveler.livejournal.com]

"... I understand that. Once. That happened to me when I was little and before I became Mother. It wasn't very fun. It was... confusing at best. Is it confusing for you too?" The last question makes her smile a bit. Sadly? Affectionately? Up to anyone's guess as she hugs herself and tries to respond with a confident voice. "Piper is Piper is Piper as you once said. Sometimes you're not, you're someone else that isn't Piper. Sometimes you are, you're Piper. It happens to a lot of people. You're not alone, love."

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"Things are always confusing, and there's nothing to do about it except be all hazy in the brain and terribly fuzzled always. Mother can never understand, though." Nope, nah, never. She leans back against the wall, staring down at her feet as she points her toes slightly. "Piper is Piper is Piper. Piper is never not Piper except when she isn't." She finally, finally turns to Andrea, frowning slightly. "Why can't Piper be an Andrea? Or an Elani or a Oliver or a Grace?"

[awearytraveler.livejournal.com]

No. Andrea doesn't understand but she wants to try to. She so dearly wants to. As much as she wants to, she doesn't break eye contact as her small but serious voice carries out her answer. "Because it happened that way. There are times I don't want to be an Andrea and I bet there are times Oliver and Grace don't want to be Oliver and Grace. But we are and we have to carry that identity. Because it still is us at the end of the day. It's the only real thing we have left."

[eucre.livejournal.com]

Piper shakes her head. That's not what she's saying, silly. But instead of correcting Andrea, initially, she just gives the older woman a sad smile. "I want to be who I am." It's probably the most lucid thing Andrea has heard from her lips. "But Piper will be Piper instead. Piper is being Piper instead."

[awearytraveler.livejournal.com]

It was the most lucid thing Piper has ever said and that knocks Andrea off balance. She isn't sure on what to say anymore and just stands there, her mouth opening and closing and finding nothing useful to say at all. There isn't a thing she could say that will help except empty attempts to be comforting. It's the least a mother could do. "Is there anything I can do then, honey?"

[eucre.livejournal.com]

She holds out her arms to Andrea expectantly, looking up at her. Time for hugs? She needs to try to explain this to her, have her understand. "Piper is missing something. She doesn't know what."

[awearytraveler.livejournal.com]

Yes. It was time for hugs. Very secure but comforting hugs that she was hopefully good in giving. "You'll find it." Her voice was barely above a whisper, barely above a sound but it was said. "You'll find it soon. One way or another, love."

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"She hopes and dreams and hopes." Piper will just burrow into Andrea's arms now, huffing softly.

[febrier29.livejournal.com]

It is too good a day to sit inside going through figures, so Jacques has headed out with a bunch of papers. He knows he's not going to get anything done, but there's no reason why he couldn't pretend that for awhile.

He's chosen to sit on the stairs that lead to the garden from the castle, leaning his back against one of the pillars. Maybe he indeed read a couple of pages but right now he's staring at the distance. It is just so peaceful sitting there... He hasn't noticed Piper yet.

Sorry!

[eucre.livejournal.com]

Piper is lying on the ground, looking up at the sky. He might finally notice her when she raises her arm to trace some clouds in the sky with her finger. Hmm~ Her mind is drifting rather peacefully. It's... nice.

Re: Sorry!

[febrier29.livejournal.com]

He does startle a little when a slim hand rises up from the ground suddenly.

"What...? Oh, is that Piper down there? Hi!" He waves his own hand in return.

[eucre.livejournal.com]

She hums softly, shaking her head, the movement making a soft sound in the grass. "Piper or Joker or Girl With The Pipes. She hardly knows."

[febrier29.livejournal.com]

"Okay," he smiles and goes down a few steps to be closer. "Does that mean I get to choose with whom I want to speak to? I would choose... Piper. How are you?"

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"You don't choooose. I can't know. It's befuzzling." She props herself up, pieces of grass sticking stubbornly in her hair.

ooc: good night, more tomorrow :)

[febrier29.livejournal.com]

Jacques tilts his head and squints while looking at Piper. Clearly she wasn't in the same kind of mood as she was the last time they met.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... befuzzle you. Would you rather be left alone?"

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"Piper is okay for talking. Just the sky is so much more than ever before." She sits up properly. "How is Jacques-y Jacques?"

[febrier29.livejournal.com]

"Lazy." But not feeling as guilty about it as he should. He looks up at the sky and the billowing clouds.

"Hmm, it's been ages since I've tried to find shapes in clouds. Is that what you were doing?"

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"No, not at all~ Searching for meaning in the sky~ Someone is missing, Piper thinks~"

[febrier29.livejournal.com]

That was way deeper than Jacques had expected and he wasn't sure what to say without sounding either lame or patronizing. At least Piper didn't seem distressed, only thoughtful.

"Are you looking for the reason why a person is missing or were those two different things?"

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"Just looking." She's not going to be very helpful now, she hopes you realize. "But who knows where to find it?"

[febrier29.livejournal.com]

"Maybe it's one of those things that only you can know or find. I mean, that's how it sounds like to me." After all, she's being vague about it and might not even want or need actual help.

"Lying on the grass and watching the sky might be just what's needed to come up with the right answers."

[eucre.livejournal.com]

"Maybe. Maybe not." She shrugs, rolls over and plucks a nearby flower. "Maybe, maybe not, perhaps, but not at all~" One by one, she picks off the bright yellow petals, leaving an oddly colored white center on a green stem. The wind quickly snatches that out of her hand as well, and she watches as it floats away.

[febrier29.livejournal.com]

As long as Piper speaks the way Piper speaks, things are quite well in the world. She is a sweetheart but Jacques can't exactly say he knows her. Not that he wouldn't listen, but he trusts that she already has people to confide in if needed. He's not going to press for more.

He simply smiles at her, though she can't see it. Then he opens up the file again, sighs quietly and tries to concentrate on the work.

[eucre.livejournal.com]

Being quiet is just fine also, Piper thinks, as she turns her face back up to the sky.