houseofcards_rp | (no subject)

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Today is Almost-Summer. Birds are chirping and squirrels are chittering and life is happening, just like everyday. Piper... Piper is sitting and being very quiet and thinking a lot, which isn't something that happens everyday, no, not at all. Today, the sky is fascinating and everlasting and going on forever, much more than on the other days. She's not sad, no, Piper is just... okay. If anyone wants a particularly happy Joker, though, they will have to wait for tomorrow.

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"But does everyone think like Mother thinks? Because of course Mother wants Piper to be her best and do whatever she wants but the world isn't Mother. Though Mother is the world to some people." Piper traces along the edge of the windowsill thoughtfully. "Piper wonders, the Joker wonders, I wonder... Where did she go? The Girl With The Pipes? One day, perhaps, mayhaps, only the Joker will remain."

That sort of talk leaves Andrea speechless for a second and her shoulders slump for a second as she struggles to find something meaningful and right to say to her child. "You have others who care for you too, sweetie. Like Oliver." In his own way but he did show concern when she and him spoke about Piper. "The Joker and you are the same. You... Both of you are different, yes, but you two also reside as one. Does that make sense?"

"People care for Piper - but what is wrong can be right in topsy-turvy-heads. Doesn't Mother understand? There is what Piper wants to do and what Piper is allowed to do and what others want Piper to do and what Piper is meant to do, and no one can know the last besides herself." She continues tracing the window, a small smile coming onto her face. "And how can Mother know who Piper is? Piper and the Joker and the Girl with the Pipes from long ago. All different and not the same mix."

"... I understand that. Once. That happened to me when I was little and before I became Mother. It wasn't very fun. It was... confusing at best. Is it confusing for you too?" The last question makes her smile a bit. Sadly? Affectionately? Up to anyone's guess as she hugs herself and tries to respond with a confident voice. "Piper is Piper is Piper as you once said. Sometimes you're not, you're someone else that isn't Piper. Sometimes you are, you're Piper. It happens to a lot of people. You're not alone, love."

"Things are always confusing, and there's nothing to do about it except be all hazy in the brain and terribly fuzzled always. Mother can never understand, though." Nope, nah, never. She leans back against the wall, staring down at her feet as she points her toes slightly. "Piper is Piper is Piper. Piper is never not Piper except when she isn't." She finally, finally turns to Andrea, frowning slightly. "Why can't Piper be an Andrea? Or an Elani or a Oliver or a Grace?"

No. Andrea doesn't understand but she wants to try to. She so dearly wants to. As much as she wants to, she doesn't break eye contact as her small but serious voice carries out her answer. "Because it happened that way. There are times I don't want to be an Andrea and I bet there are times Oliver and Grace don't want to be Oliver and Grace. But we are and we have to carry that identity. Because it still is us at the end of the day. It's the only real thing we have left."

Piper shakes her head. That's not what she's saying, silly. But instead of correcting Andrea, initially, she just gives the older woman a sad smile. "I want to be who I am." It's probably the most lucid thing Andrea has heard from her lips. "But Piper will be Piper instead. Piper is being Piper instead."

It was the most lucid thing Piper has ever said and that knocks Andrea off balance. She isn't sure on what to say anymore and just stands there, her mouth opening and closing and finding nothing useful to say at all. There isn't a thing she could say that will help except empty attempts to be comforting. It's the least a mother could do. "Is there anything I can do then, honey?"

She holds out her arms to Andrea expectantly, looking up at her. Time for hugs? She needs to try to explain this to her, have her understand. "Piper is missing something. She doesn't know what."

Yes. It was time for hugs. Very secure but comforting hugs that she was hopefully good in giving. "You'll find it." Her voice was barely above a whisper, barely above a sound but it was said. "You'll find it soon. One way or another, love."

"She hopes and dreams and hopes." Piper will just burrow into Andrea's arms now, huffing softly.

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