houseofcards_rp | (no subject)

It was exactly three hours that she had been out there, that long hair was pulled up in a tight bun and the music played constantly as her body moved. Faster and faster, twirls, spins, leaps, and jumps. Escape the pain, forget about the emotional and bring on the physical pain that she could use by pushing herself to her body's limit until she finally collapsed and she could dream without memories. The trophies, perhaps, brought back those memories. They made her think of a time she would have much rather forget, memories of words that hurt, memories of physical pain that wasn't something she inflicted on herself through dance.

The music played and her body matched it's rhythm, the spins and twirls, the leaps and movements. Each thing as she pushed herself brought her closer and closer to letting her mind forget. Her eyes closed as she moved, she heard nothing but the music and the words that played in her head over and over again. She clenched one hand and released it as she slowed to a stop to take a drink of water and then began again as she changed the tempo.

Someday, she would escape the pain and forget all of it. She needed to forget. Her body began to shut down and she started to slide down but she forced her knees to hold and she began to dance once more as her mind replayed the words and tears squeezed out of her closed eyes as she danced. Escape, run, escape, dance, escape. She needed to escape the pain, she needed to forget, and yet, she could tell no one about what happened. She was who she was and that was the secret she could never tell.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, he hadn't. Sean never lied, so his didn't say anything. He was sympathetic, though. Accepting the reality and necessity of it to her without completely agreeing.

Any disapproval left his bearing, as he produced a towel and handed it over.

She damaged herself, it left him to wonder. 'And if others did the same?"

She took the towel with a quiet smile and dried herself off a little bit, taking her hair down to pull it back up once more so it wasn't as messy as she took another drink of the water bottle.

"It isn't so bad, not really. I can..I can live with this easier than not sleeping. Eventually, I'll get to sleep and I won't dream, which will be a blessing."

There were other ways to work herself into exhaustion, but if this was the way she took, he wouldn't fault her.

"It is time to come in now." No an order, despite the way it lacked questioning inflection. A suggestion, an encouragement. Hopefully, a statement of fact.

She smiled a little weakly before she stood up and took the water and the towel that he had brought her and made her way over to pack her things up.

"Yes, it is time to go in." She would sit..somewhere or possibly go to her room and go to sleep. Who knew? But walking hurt a bit and it was a good hurt, so she could live with it.

Sean didn't hover - it was unseemly to hover. He did walk at her elbow rather insistently, however, keeping an eye on her progress and being slightly Worried about the tinge of hurt in it.

Each step was a challenge, it was something that reminded her everyday of what she went through. If she could beat this, she could beat the poison in her heart. And she could retain that mask that she had worn for so long. Yes, the enthuisastic girl was at the core of her, but it wasn't all of her and sooner or later, people would see that. But she wasn't inclined to let them see it too soon.

She smiled a bit and took another drink of water. "How is everything?

"Splendid, Miss Cayden. The tomatoes have started fruiting." Useless chit chat was all he could give her as distraction, but he at least was capable of that.

"Tomatoes?" Her eyes lit up then, moving over to his face. "Can I help pick them when they're ready?"

'If you wish," he agrees. Any help was appreciated, and Sean would never even consider turning away a willing pair of hands.

he could find something for anyone.

"Okay!" She flashed a bright smile. Then she hesitated for a moment. "Sean, can we...not mention this to His or Her Majesty?"

"We can, if it's important." Sean would keep her secret - it was hers to tell, after all.

"It is. I don't want them to worry."

"Indeed, Miss Cayden." And he wouldn't be the cause of such worry. He worried, however. About her safety and sanity. This behavior... it couldn't be good.

Her sanity was perfectly intact. Though, he could argue the point that a sane person wouldn't do harm to themselves to escape things inside of their head. She did because harm to herself was the only thing she could justify, harm to others because of what was done to her? Never. She would never harm another living, breathing person because of things that had happened to her.

"So..umm.."

Yes, Miss?

[There's already a small plate of fruit waiting for her in the kitchen, more water and a warm tub of water for her feet and likely aching calves being sent to her room while he encouraged her to nibble.]

She sat down and nibbled on the fruit, carefully and she smiled a little bit at him.

"What do we do now?"

"Now, Miss?" Now he went back to his duties in the kitchen, and left her to eat while watching her with a careful eye. "What would you like to do?"

"Sleep for about six days." But that didn't seem an appropriate answer. "Or at least sleep through a single night without nightmares."

Sean couldn't promise anything with that, but he did have a supply of sleeping pills and some soothing tea. "I'll see what I can do."

"Sorry. I didn't...mean to say that." She rubbed her hand over her face. "It's a long story, Sean."

"I am a willing ear, Miss Cayden." But he also wouldn't pressure her.